Full of Faith

On Monday a friend I first met years ago in middle school passed away. 

His body had been battling brain cancer for the last 5 years. He was young.  30 years old.  He left a young wife, also about my age, and 2 young children.  

I couldn't believe how effected and devastated I was when I heard the news. A lot of it was the realization that it was someone my age, with children my kids ages. How could that be? We are SO young still. 

 I had only been in contact with him through the wonders of facebook and hadn't actually seen him since my teenage years. I haven't met his wife or kids. That may help give a better understanding of why I was surprised at how deeply I was effected. 

I wept as I thought about what his final years were like as I read through his wife's blog (especially this post). 

I cried because I could not imagine what it would be like to try to help my young children understand. 

More tears came. What would it be like to have to say good bye to a best friend that you still planned on having so much time to figure this whole "life" thing out with. 

It was so depressing. I could envision what it would mean to lose so much, because I am at such a similar time in my life.

I started thinking of so many questions.  I especially couldn't understand why it had to be somebody so young.  With so much ahead that he was supposed to do. How was he supposed to teach his kids everything he could?  It didn't seem fair. Not to his wife.  Not to his kids.

All of a sudden I noticed something.  As I had been reading through Lor's blog, I never once read any questions from her.  She had worries and concerns.  But she mostly had faith. Amazing, perfect, unyielding faith. 

 I was so taken back. 

All of a sudden something changed.  

I still had questions. 

But they were different now.

How strong is my faith? 

How deep are my convictions?  

I remembered that during a Conference meeting last April, a sweet lady asked this question, "How do you and I become so converted to the truth, so full of faith, so dependent on God that we are able to meet trials and even be strengthened by them?"

In other words, my question became, 

how do I become more like his wife Lori? 

As I thought more and more about how sad I had been at the thought of my friend's young children not being able to have their dad around any longer to teach them, I remembered this thought that Elder Eyring had.  He said,"The child who sees a mother or a father pass through the trials of life with fervent prayer to God and then hears a sincere testimony that God answered in kindness will remember what they saw and heard. When their trials come, they will be prepared."

Both Wes and his wife could not have been better teachers than they were these past few years to their children. 

The past week I spent a lot of time sad and wondering.  

It turned into hours of solemn contemplation on how deep my faith was and where my testimony stood. 

It turned into a greater desire than I have ever had in my life to become better.  To be even more faithful and devoted.  

To be a better mother, a better wife, a better daughter, sister, and friend. 

  To pray more fervently. 

To cherish every moment. 

To take in everything around me.  To be grateful for everything I have.

To try to become everything I should be. 

And to keep building my faith. 

To be more like a woman I haven't even met, but has given me so much.